that's what i keep telling myself at the moment.

i applied for a part time home-based editorial abstracting job. even though it's for part time only, i still have to go through an english exam and get interviewed. it makes me nervous cuz ive never gone through exams when i applied in my past job, though i was very nervous during the interview.

so an exam- first time after a long time! i think it has been more than 2 years since i last took an exam, and that was still back in college. it makes me nervous being clueless on what will come out or what type the exam will be. if they would be asking about transforming this sentence to this type of sentence, oh geez i don't think i will make it. i mean i don't remember how you call types of sentences. are they gonna make me write an essay? will they give me enough time to finish it?

i try not to pressure myself that much by reading a friend's blog who writes english very well--his choice of words, sentence construction, the proper punctuation, the rules- he does everything well. i read them so that i'll be able to absorb his way of writing but his blog entries this past few days were full of negativity, rants, angst,depression and insecurities. so i stopped reading and started blogging here.

it has been three months since i resigned & i haven't been earning since then. i dunno why during these 3 months, it doesn't seem to bother me being at home and penniless. well, i admit it bothered me a little but still it didn't give me the drive to get back to working. i'm thinking there must be a problem with me.

i dunno but i seem to have a fear of conversing with people with higher ranking than me or to someone who i know i need to please. it's like it feels so annoying having the need to act and speak so formal, so nice/polite to them. it feels so awkward-i don't like feeling awkward. just knowing that i have to meet people for the first time bothers me already & makes me back out too if possible. it must be pride? or i get intimidated easily? argh! i know these people don't have the intentions my paranoid mind suggests. > . <

i also don't like when people here at home bug me or make a big deal out of my business-applying for a job more specifically. i mean i know you know it cuz you can see it but don't bug me about it cuz i will share it with you if i want too or if im already in the mood to announce it. am i such a private person? am i being too moody? it's just me! u think i'll be needing a psychologist to fix this character? aish...

but an incident i can't openly share woke me up from this funemployment(pun intended).

whether i get this part time job tomorrow or not, i will still send my resume for a full time job to this company i prospect.

hoping to have a good weather for a good mood tomorrow~
wish me a good sleep tonight and full of luck tomorrow!

it's just so hard to go online seeing all the depressing state of every Filipinos drastically affected by the typhoon Ondoy. I just can't keep myself updated with all these depressing stories.

So i took time off to pray, which to tell you honestly is something i haven't done for a long time already. *sigh

PLEASE HELP THE PHILIPPINES.
for your donations: CLICK HERE FOR CONTACT DETAILS

thank you very much.
God bless the Philippines

i had a dream about him last night.first time after a long time!
him who?him who i met years ago. if you're someone i know, i know who you're thinking & no, he's not the same guy i have in mind for i have secretly told very few about him.we were never together but he meant special & i kinda felt that i was special for him too. ^^

looking back, it only makes me smile now unlike what i actually felt during those days with him around. i remember how exaggerated my heart would thump that it felt like i would get petrified seconds after! though i still get a little giddy (just a little ^^) encountering little things that connects or has something to do with him.

about my dream, he was wearing red, came over at my place, along with other friends of ours, to celebrate my birthday-- which in real life was just 5 days ago. He was there but we didn't have a conversation, didn't even get a greeting, a smile, not even a glance from him. no biggie!it's just a dream ^^.

it makes me think what's the reason why i liked him that much.hmm... was it because he's good looking?-no, i don't think he is.he's just popular to girls..LOL ^^..was it his sense of humor?-no, i don't think he has that..because he's a good student?-probably..i dunno..just his presence around me makes me happy during those days. but we were so immature back then.maybe that's why we were never together.

*sigh...i wish i can freely confess everything to you one day. i wish i can tell you how you made my heart feel so special and happy during those days. it's not that i'm hoping something out of it but wouldn't it be fun to have a good laugh at it?^^. well, i have moved on already.i have accepted defeat years ago.LOL^^ but hey!i'm still single!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
yes i'm single but i haven't gone desperate yet! LOL ^^

so here ends my mushiness. ulk!
had fun reading it?you'll never know, you might be "him"! what do you think? LOL ^^

but then again, nobody visits this blog!so he'll never get to read this!haha