i think i'm ready...
ready to what?
to face tasks, the bosses,the clients, challenges, compliments, success & most especially to face failures...
deep inhale.....
warm exhale....
i'm trying my luck tomorrow....i just hope it(luck)clings to me tomorrow & for the rest of my life.
i'm being as positive as i can >.< , really,i'm trying...
ok,so where do i start?
pleasing people. yes, everybody knows that we can't please everybody. but with the career i choose to pursue, i know i need to please at least a larger amount of people & not just some people. a lot of friends & loved ones believe in my ability but for me, what they are so amazed are just too shallow & does not really deserve a wowing appreciation. i feel like they think/see that i know and can do a LOT but for me, i lack and need to learn a LOT. but, of course, i will never reject their words of encouragement, support and appreciation.
interaction.in the line of work i choose to pursue, meeting new people will always be possible to occur. i'm not good in starting a conversation, building it up, making it last-i'm just not into conversations!not of course if it's a friend i've known for so long. i get petrified just seeing someone about to come up and talk to me. i would definitely end up stuttering, lost for words-- i might just end up giving them the expression that i'm not educated at all!
fail. i guess everyone fears to fail. but my fear to fail falls on 1% cuz i know for a fact that everyone fails every now & then, cuz it's human nature!you'll never learn if you don't fail at one point in your life.
so those are my major fears. i guess the only way to overcome them is by facing them. >.<
geez, wish me luck
confidently posting my weaknesses here, eh? nah! nobody comes here and reads these anyway...
tonight is non-stop blogging night!oh God, i think i'm in need of some serious help!i seem to have cared in every problem in the world! >.<
so i know this day would come...wazzup with today?
i suddenly woke up at around 3:30 am today, with a rush of thoughts running through my head. it's almost 2 months since i chose to be a bum. 2 months had passed with me blogging, surfing the net, watching & updating myself with kpop. but thinking of it now, how does that kind of lifestyle help me to become a better person? to be a productive citizen of this country? does it do something to help me survive in the future? now it bothers me.
if i would put in detail of what happened in the 2 months of my bumness: waking up late,eat brunch,check the kpop forums,check tumblr,post at twitter,post at tumblr,take a bath,watch whatever kpop,download kpop,check korean sites on nail art & just enjoy their blog posts,tumblr,twitter,chat,sleep at around 10pm. being a mouse potato-that's what exactly bums do. my 2 months revolve on kpop and just kpop.
when i resigned, i promised myself that i would never utter the phrase "it's so boring/i'm bored" cuz i said to myself that i would do every preparation needed for me to get hired & be an effective employee in my next job. i even gave myself a timeline when to stop relaxing,to practice adobe indesign,adobe flash,a deadline for me to finish my portfolio, to complete my resume & cover letters. i was getting ready, even my friends gave me companies where to apply. but luck seemed to have left my side.
a series of unfortunate events occured. my pc used to have 2 hard drives, both divided into two so it looked like i had 4 hard drives. i was confident my files are safe in both drives but i still burned back-ups,part by part everyday. then one day, one of it crashed. my files for portfolio were in that drive, my hires ilocos trips were there, & a lot more memorable photos were still in that drive. i had it taken to the technician hoping he would get to recover my files but he said it's hopeless since it has crashed and is completely broken. since that day, i never finished my portfolio.i've got all my plans delayed.
just two weeks before the deadline i gave myself in completing all the requirements needed to apply for a job, i got sick. i would suddenly have high fever but it's not flu cuz i didn't have cough & colds. that time, it took me almost 3 days without getting checked by the doctor thinking it was just some fever & also, we were broke then. i know how painful it is for my mom to see me in pain, complaining every now & then. she whisperd to me one time saying, "i'm sorry anak, ndi kita mapa-check up,wala pa tayong pera", apologizing that she can't take me to see a doctor cuz we're broke. it is much painful for me too cuz i know i'm of no help to them cuz i'm jobless & now i serve as a burden for getting sick.
the day came that i was taken to the nearest clinic to get checked. i was diagnosed with Urinary Tract Infection. Finally, i would get better with the antibiotics i would take. but for a week, i would still get high fever at night plus, i got overdosed with the antibiotics. The doctor advised me to take 200mg, twice a day. the pharmacist gave us 400mg without letting us know that 200mg was unavailable that time & i'm not used into reading details on blister packs of pills. i took thrice one time which totalled to 1200mg in a day!it caused me severe headache for three days!it was more painful than a migrane!it made me feel nauseaus with just a minimal move.
but i'm all better now. going back online, finding out that all the companies i was to apply for closed already. i attempted doing freelance but then gave up cuz i always end up doing it for free plus my pc system is too weak now for graphics. i'm penny less, jobless & hopeless. i would like to meet up with my friends i haven't seen for years but then again, i'm pennyless, jobless & hopeless. *sigh...
is this self-pity?i tried living the life of an optimist, like my friend louh, who i've never seen doing some self-pity, never had rants, just always smiley & happy & seems to always be happy & thankful of everything around him. me, i always end up ranting,blaming myself, doing self-pity & blogging. maybe this is why blogging is very effective for me.
today, is the day i realized i should be bothered of how i'm becoming as each day passes. all my dreams when i was studying are coming back & i'm not doing anything to pursue them. my dream back then, was to finish my studies, get a job,earn big, earn enough to support my family, so that i can tell my dad to retire, go home,stay in the country with us. such a big dream eh? & with what i'm doing now,i'm not even starting to turn them into reality. i'm really hopeless...
i would want to quit this lifestyle as soon as possible, it's so frustrating...
i wore yellow today. how i wish i was there to see and pay my last respects to her cortege.
Ex President Corazon “Cory” Cojuangco Aquino, thank you for fighting for democracy, thank you for inspiring each and every Filipino to continue to fight for our rights, to fear nothing as long as we go through it together as one. I never cared for any political figures but with you,i felt most of your sincerity,courage,passion,love for the people,love for this country and not the greediness for power of being the leader. You make me even prouder to be a Filipino. L sign is for “Laban”, “fight”. we’ll continue the fight!
Rest in Peace Tita Cory. Salamat at Paalam.
tomorrow is Ex President Cory Aquino's burial...
salamat at paalam...
sorry, this is the simplest yet neatest layout i got from blogskins.com
anyway,i'm back at blogspot! & not so sure if friends' links on the side are still active...
